apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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