Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
