I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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