How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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