You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
