I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
someone threw a dead crab at me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize