I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
