i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
