we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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