Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
