whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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