Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
