So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
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