I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize