Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
