he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
