This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
