Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
