Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
