i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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