He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
