Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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