Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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