You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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