Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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