I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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