Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
