We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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