I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
