kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
