the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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