The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Houston, we have a blender
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
