There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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