she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
