You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
