the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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