to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
