Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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