idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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