Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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