You just made me feel so damn special
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.