It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.