Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?