whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
