kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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