i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
