I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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