I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
