Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
