why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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