Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
