I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you.
Bad choice
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