I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
