goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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