drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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