do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I forget how to act sober
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
