my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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