Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
