I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
