You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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