I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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