So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
