I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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